The man and I spend long amounts of time watching Science Fiction television in season long marathons. This is because we are an exciting couple. Everyone basically wants to spend all their time with us while we lounge around in sweat pants eating cookies and staring at a screen for 8 or 9 hours at time. But we don’t let them.
That’s called romance.
The latest show is Fringe. It is like a combination of CSI and X-files, except with more alternate worlds and super powers. Did X-Files have any super-powers? I feel like it didn’t.
The main character is Olivia Dunham.
She is a gun toting, photographic memory having badass. There was one time (spoiler) that she got kidnapped and then had a spinal tap. Then she smashed the guy’s nose in and ran away. After having a spinal tap!
Also, she has super powers.
But there is a problem. Look at that picture. Do you notice anything? Do you notice her PERFECT hair? It looks just casual enough to be soft and look like she spent no time on it, but so flattering that it is obvious she (or her hair guy) did.
It is hair like hers that makes me want to grow mine out super long. Then I would braid it, or put it in flawless ponytails. I would look like I didn’t care about my hair, I just had to keep it out of the way. Some how, with no effort or concern on my part, I’d still look beautiful and feminine. Even though I obviously didn’t care. In short, I would look like a BAD ASS.
But that’s not how it works for me. If I have long hair, it gets all dry and crackly. One chunk in the middle of my hair will inevitably decide to be completely wavy, even though the rest of it would be perfectly straight. It would look like I never brushed my hair, even though I would, a lot.
I know this, because I have fallen for this trap before.
Olivia Dunham is just the latest in a long string of awesomely haired female leads that make me want to spent a year and a half growing my hair out. But it gets worse. Last season she got bangs:
Look at those bangs! They are glorious!
Me: Maybe I should get bangs like that?
The Man: Didn’t you use to have bangs?
Me: … yes
The Man: Didn’t you spend the whole time complaining how the part wouldn’t go away?
Stupid man logic.
And I get it. I know that Olivia’s hair looks this good because she has a team of specialists on the set to make it so. I know this.
But it isn’t fair. Instead of awesome badass hair, I have to go into the bathroom at work. The fluorescence bulbs are blazing overhead. Before this job, I’d never been exposed to this deadly combination of High-Powered harsh light and a mirror before. I look in the mirror and I see it.
Every. Single. Gray. Hair.
I’m only 24 years old! Why is there this sweeping nest of gray hair? I want to yank them all out, but there are so many of them. It seems like more every day. I’d go bald! I can’t even remember to turn the oven off, and here I am with gray hairs all over the place.
And Olivia Dunham, super powered woman with two worlds on her shoulders, has fan-freaking-tastic hair.