How to Eat a Snickers Bar

Dear Snickers, you make my morning almost ok.

Step 1:

Check you pockets for change. Important note: you must have enough change to do laundry tomorrow. 2nd Important note: Sometimes it’s OK if you don’t have clean clothes.

Step 2:

Insert 1 dollar into vending machine. Yes, this is twice what you would pay at a supermarket, but remember, the vending machine is downstairs and the supermarket is down the street.  This is an emergency chocolate craving situation, the time saved using the vending machine is PRECIOUS, probably worth about a million dollars.

Step 3:

Retrieve candy. If the vending machine has cheated you of your candy, there is nothing to be done but have a melt down. It is a catastrophe.

Step 4:

Eat very slowly. I know you want to scarf this thing down like the pure joy that it is, but you can’t. You paid a whole dollar for that baby, make it last. I recommend taking half bites. They are more satisfying than a nibble, but extends the life of your candy bar experience considerably.

Step 5:

By the last bite, you might be tempted to have another meltdown. It is tragic to be done with this confection, but don’t despair yet. Snickers is a fairly crumbly candy. Chances are that bits of chocolate or nougat have landed on the table, desk, or possibly your lap (this is why it’s very important to not eat standing up). Savor these last bits,  because they are the last Snickers you get until the next time you convince yourself it’s OK to trade dryer time for chocolate.

So you know, like tomorrow.


About inkrose86

Look to your left. You see that girl there, the mildly attractive one that is doing something vaguely embarrassing like spilling coffee on herself or picking a pimple. Ya, that's me.
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