If you are a returning reader (read: my friends and family) you may have noticed it’s been a while since I blogged.
I haven’t really been in a blogging kind of mood lately. I try and be funny on here, or if I can’t manage that at least maintain a shiny veneer of self-deprecation. The thing is, over the last couple weeks, I have felt deprecated enough that I didn’t think I needed anymore.
There was also a day when I was feeling great self-esteem wise, but I had a really bad hang-over and I was like eff my audience, I’m taking a nap under my desk.
But anyway, the reason for all of this is my car. I drive an ancient Ford Escort. I’ve forgotten if it is actually a color under all the dust and the brake light flashes at me no matter what position the brake is in.
I love my car. I call him Chip. (Yeah, I named my ‘escort’ after Chip and Dale’s dancers, what of it?)
The other week, Chip died. I was on an alcohol/vittles run and he just puttered out in the middle of a busy street.
Until this point, Chip had been running for 13 years without a mechanic touching him. I considered this a point of pride. He was a little trooper, a sturdy machine. He didn’t need a MECHANIC. He was above all that. But apparently, if you go 13 years without changing some parts, like I don’t know, a timing belt for instance, it is very bad.
The result is that it took a lot of time, and way more money than I actually had to get him up and running again. So… I was depressed. I didn’t blog.
One of the things that happens when your car breaks down in the middle of the road is you start looking at other cars. Maybe, it’d just be easier to buy a new one, or a nearly new one. So in an effort to cheer myself up, I played pretend. I looked at car websites and built imaginary cars. Pictured myself ridding down the road in them.
It was then that I realized something. I am an old man.
I HATED all of those pretend cars. None of them had good gas mileage; the seats were leather and therefore gross. There were definitely too many bells and whistles. I mean, who needs seat warmers, or a CD player (or a working air conditioner for that matter)?
Basically, none of these cars were as good as Chip. Because they don’t make them like they used to. Back in my day people cared about workmanship, not gadgets and what not. Comfortable seating? Safety features? That stuff is for sissies. What is wrong with this generation?
And another thing! Why do I have to keep buying my movies? I was fine with VHS thank you muchly. Then everyone wanted DVDs, and you know what? I went along with it. I brought my favorite movies in DVD format. It was ok I guess. But I am NOT going to blue ray! I don’t even like blue ray. And those flat TVs? They make everything look wobbly. I’m not doing it. You can’t make me!