Into A Shape

At first glance, you may assume that I am a thin, healthy girl. Mildly attractive if you are into that awkward nerdy thing (thank God it does it for the Man).  On second glance, you may still think that. Especially if you are into dress pants covered in dog hair (I don’t even think the Man fits into this category, but there are people out there, right?).

But! I have been really inactive lately. I blame the surgery, but this far in, that is probably just an excuse. Also Netflix.

The point is, underneath this mildly attractive exterior, I am melting into a puddle of 100% body fat. It’s just the skin that houses all of my lard happens to be in the correct shape. Poke my arm though, and you’ll see. It will jiggle and wiggle like a arm full of jelly.

I’m sorry, that’s gross. Here’s a picture instead:


So basically, I need to get fit.  Or healthy. Or have some muscle tone at all.  To that end I went on Hike.

This wasn’t just any hike. It was Hike. It was a get up at the crack of dawn (8:00) and pretend you aren’t hung-over because you are gonna be at this all day kinda hike.

We walked 3 miles up hill. Our guide/the guy-with-the–best-hiking-boots had this really spiffy GPS tracker. It told us how many miles we had gone and how many feet in elevation we had climbed. I don’t remember what it was, but I’m going to say 1 billion. We already live at 7000 ft, so I don’t think that is an exaggeration.

The point is. The air was thin

But I was feeling really good. My blood was pumping and the area was truly beautiful. Every 15 minutes or so the scenery would change completely. It would go from mossy trees to rocky hills to streaming river. One of the best ways to get in shape I can think of: go look at pretty shit for a while.

Then we reached the lake aka our destination. This greeted us:

Photo by Shandi Love

The Man was pretty sure Momma wild goat was going to kills us. Or at least maim one of us as a warning to the rest.

Turns out they just wanted to eat some grass.

Then we walked down hill for 3 miles. For most people downhill is the easy part. You start to get your breath back and gravity starts doing half the work for you.

But for me, my knee started hurting really badly. Like it couldn’t support me for one more second.  This happened at .5 miles. The rest of the 2.5 miles were torture.

Why did this happen? I am a youngish thing; my joints should be doing good.  Strong. And well they are strong. But refer back to that picture of mine. No muscles.

It’s a hard job to take bag ‘o blubber down a mountain.


About inkrose86

Look to your left. You see that girl there, the mildly attractive one that is doing something vaguely embarrassing like spilling coffee on herself or picking a pimple. Ya, that's me.
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3 Responses to Into A Shape

  1. Erin says:

    I’ll stab you in the face and then you’ll be fat!!! which in looking at it, someone outside of this joke reading it will probably think I’m a creeper…

  2. angelinanique says:

    I feel you. Just because we are skinny does not mean we are in shape and that is a huge piece of being healthy. So we aren’t too healthy either. Light exercise every day, I repeat EVERY DAY, will probably put us on the right path. I am going to try to do 15 minute exercises every day. I want to help motivate you!

    And yes we are young, but I know lots of young people with horrible bones and aches and pains. It just happens. Not working them joints and then a sudden burst of exercise is probably what made it hurt.

    Hey Erin! 🙂

  3. inkrose86 says:

    Actually it hurt because I have weak knees. Remember when they used to give out on me at the Bookstore?

    But it is funnier to say it my way 🙂

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