Last month I tried, and failed, to write a novel. Many of you are familiar with Nanowrimo, where you try and write 50k words in 30 days. Some of you, like me, failed. Some of you succeeded. For those of you who did, congratulations or something. Whatever, no one really likes you.
Anyway, now that I have totally failed to be awesome, I am coming up for air.
Which is good, because it is the Holiday season, and I am so FUCKING STOKED (warning, I am so excited about this that the language I am using might only be suitable for adults) (warning about the warning, it may have come too late, and some kid accidentally read the word fuck in all caps. I’m sorry).
You’ll notice I said Holidays.
For some reason, I have noticed there are two reactions to the use of Holidays to describe the time between Thanksgiving and New Years Eve.
Either people get all congratulatory because you have saved everyone the embarrassment of saying “Christmas” when there might be some atheists around. Or Jewish people. Obviously, these people cannot bear to hear the word Christmas. They are entirely excluded from the Christmas holiday. There is no way they have gleaned what it means from the millions of Christmas specials out there or the carols that play non-stop on any soft rock station ever. When you speak of it, they become so confused that they are obviously filled with rage and start killing everything. I’m pretty sure that is the premise of every single Christmas Horror movie.
So just say Holiday. Less blood will be shed that way.
The other response is even more confusing to me. I’m not even going to use sarcasm to talk about it, I would just mess it up I think.
Some people get offended. Like by saying Holiday I have made Christmas into a bad word. Like I am ashamed of my Christmas tree, and my advent calendar, like I would rather be caught dead than be in church on Christmas Eve.
This is not the case. I celebrate Christmas. It’s my holiday and a love it. I love the secular parts, the gift giving and the eggnog. I love the religious parts, the advent wreaths and the manger scenes. The church plays and candle lit services.
And yet, I say Holiday. How strange of me.
Let me tell you why:
I am so FUCKING excited about this whole season that I am practically jumping out of my goddamn skin to share that happiness with each and every fucking person. Holidays is an everything thing, it’s a broad spectrum term that blankets all of my excitement. I don’t care which holiday you’re going to have happy one of, I just want you to have the HAPPIEST FUCKING TIME ever.
So Happy Holidays everyone.